Entrepreneurs are Losing themselves to “Scaling”

Entrepreneurs are losing themselves in scaling.

I’m a serial entrepreneur. I’ve been in “business” since 2004, 21 years!  And of course, it’s always been about scale. Doing more with less.  In 19 years, I lost myself in the comments and suggestions of others.

In 2022, when I went full-time in my business, I didn’t want to “start small.” I knew that there was a clear path to success: “Start small and then scale.” However, every coach I was listening to was telling me to scale, and I felt that it aligned. I don’t regret this approach but I lost myself in sales, business, and scaling. And I think there are many coaches who are experiencing the same thing.

The “successful” tactics are hurting Everyone.

From the webinars that promise the answers, but don’t deliver, to the cold messages that seem like sincere connections but aren’t.  Those of us who provide true value and are genuinely trying to help or connect are getting ghosted.

We’ve all been on the receiving end of these messages, and they don’t always feel good. It leaves people feeling unseen and manipulated. But it seems to be the blueprint and the framework for “selling” that people are teaching right now. I’ve even gotten cold messages inviting me to “a different way to scale.” And yet, they’re doing this by cold and uninformed outreach. I don’t have a problem with this approach – I did it for years. However, when I respond to someone wanting to know more about who they are as a person and they don’t reply it’s hard to find connection. It becomes apparant that the person has no interest in actually connecting and doing business with people.

Now, when I host a webinar, the response is hit or miss. When I send a message or comment with genuine connection or because I think I can help… people are skeptical whether or not they know me. To say it’s been disheartening over the last couple of years is an understatement. So, I gave up on sales…

I’ve been trying a different approach.

I’ve decided to stop selling and marketing. “Stephanie, isn’t that counterintuitive?” Maybe – but I’ve never “sold.”  In all my years in selling, I never sold anything to anyone.  I developed relationships of trust and then offered solutions for challenges that they were experiencing. I’ve decided to follow my Human Design and use my channels to “inform and respond.” Some people might be interested in what I do in my business right? So I’m posting on my blog, social medias, and newsletters. You never know when something might hit someone’s feed and make them feel like they aren’t alone.

I’m also responding to what I feel like is a need for genuine connection. I’ve decided too – that I just want to have a genuine conversation with people.  Don’t we all need that right now, too? I’ve started reaching out (slowly because I’m only one person) to people I’ve connected to. Som I have lost touch with or haven’t talked to in a while, and others I’ve never actually talked with. I’ve started sending a message just letting people know that I’m here for a genuine conversation if they want or need that (informing) and when they reply we book a call or chat further (responding.)

While I’m counting this approach as a sales activity it’s not for the purposes of marketing. It’s because I’m trading my sales and marketing for genuine connections.

The responses have been interesting.

Overwhelmingly, I’ve gotten one of two responses. 1) Left on read. Or 2) A kind and excited response because they view my message as kindness.   That said, I’ve also seen that a few people believe that I’m actually wanting to pitch them.  And I think they’re surprised when I share with them that the pitch is not why I contacted them.  Those that are leaving me on read – I’m almost positive that’s the assumption they’re probably making.

We’ve gotten so used to wearing our masks that it’s hard to take them off. We are on guard with people who are pretending to be interested in us because we’re waiting for the next request, the attempt to “close.” We’ve forgotten how to be human and foster genuine connection. This leaves us feeling like we’re being manipulated by people. Not to mention how we know we’re being manipulated by technology and marketing companies. People don’t want to be guarded. We want to connect, but most of us don’t know what to do about it other than to stay guarded.

The conversations have been deep.

Once I can convince people that I’m not there to sell anything… “happy to chat about our businesses, but that’s not what I was reaching out for.” people have opened up.  I had a conversation this morning where someone opened up about their divorce, their mental health, their past trauma in relationships and their corporate trauma.  We connected – for real – on a deep and human level.  At the end of the call, they wanted to know more about me and my business.  I didn’t really talk about business. The connection happened by sharing just a bit of my story and listened, with genuine interest, to their story. I felt honored, blessed, and energized by the basic connection we shared.

Not everyone can hold everyone else right now.

The world feels heavy to so many people right now. There’s just so much going on, and it might not feel like you can have these kinds of conversations with others at this moment, and that’s okay. I know that what I’m suggesting isn’t for everyone all the time. In fact, I know that there will be some time in the next few months that I will want to say, “Nope – not today!” or “Not this week.”

That’s human – that’s what needs to happen! We come down from our mountains, or out of our caves, or into the shore from our boats, and we connect. Then we go back to where we came from to reconnect with ourselves. The human energetic experience ebbs and flows. That’s why I believe that it’s important for entrepreneurs to come back to the idea that our businesses work on connection. (I could write a whole other post about how it’s not just connection with other humans. Connection with ourselves, the universe, and energy is so important! Stay tuned.)

Stop “scaling” and start connecting.

I know many entrepreneurs are ready to scale, but if I can be honest, scaling the way we’ve always done it is turning people off. People are hungry for genuine connection! Of course, there are still people out there who want a quick win. But by and large, people want to build with you. People want partnership and collaboration with each other. They don’t want your “offer” unless they have your connection.  So, if you’re sending mass messages without a personalized approach, let me ask you – genuinely – is it working? (Long term too?)

I’m not saying stop selling, by all means, sell when it’s the right solution – but stop making sales your intention behind every connection. Intention sets the tone. People can tell, they know automatically, especially the people who probably need your help but who have been burned before. The people who are coachable – who need help – who’ve asked for it before and probably paid a considerable amount of moneyfor it. Those people are hyper aware and don’t want to be manipulated – they can tell whether your connection is genuine or if it’s just for sales.

What does a sustainable business model look like?

I’ve spent enough time in sales and marketing to understand how quick wins come to pass… Those always feel great!  But in my experience – driving your entire business on quick wins is exhausting and can get discouraging really quickly. Especially in a world where everything we love becomes monetized to “sell” us something. Whether it was selling DirecTV to shoppers, Discount Memberships and Credit cards to retail customers, million-dollar machines and medical devices to hospitals, or flu shots to pharmacies, I’ve had my fair share of selling, and my long-term success rarely came from “quick wins.”  

I also know that genuine connection takes a ton of time and energy and effort. That’s why I lost that during my first few years of business, I won’t be able to explain in this blog post. If you’re interested in the story – and my reflections – comment here and I’ll make another post. I don’t enjoy “selling” when we’re being transactional.  I enjoy consulting – sharing – and watching people succeed.  That’s what people are missing. I grew my territories slowly at first. Trust takes time. Eventually, we saw full conversions, a hundred thousand dollars of business switched overnight simply because people trusted me. They liked me because it was never about the sales – it was always about how I could help them succeed.

If I could wave a magic wand

And make one change in the business coaching industry…

I’d change people’s perceptions on how much money is possible versus how much work and connection is involved.  The sky is the limit – for real! And also, it doesn’t happen just because you build a course and send a few emails.  It doesn’t happen with a cold email blast or a really great video that goes viral.  Those things are all temporary.  The money possibilities grow through the nurturing of connection.  

I have heard this at least 100 times, “I’ve spent thousands of dollars on coaching and I feel like I’m right where I started.” Inevitably, they’ve been through “programs” where the coach gives them canned information and sends them off to implement it on their own. They can admit the information is valuable for sure. But in the end feel like it didn’t align with them or it was overwhelming that they just stopped.

I know so many coaches who might say, “Well, you can only help those who want to help themselves” comments. Trust me – I have my share of agreements in that category. However, those people who go through your program and don’t make an ROI, who don’t see the benefits, who feel like they were “swindled” because of your promises, those people aren’t coming back to buy from you again. Even if they don’t run and share all of their feelings with others, they’re not coming back. And they’re definitely not recommending you to friends.  

We’re not perfect

None of us is perfect, and I know when you’re scaling, it’s really hard to keep up with everyone. Plus social posting, running classes, all the emails, and the 1:1s.  Entrepreneurship is overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be. With good systems in place and with the right support, you can do things in a more connected way.  I’ve recently set up Bigin and Clickup in a way that I’m managing the 12 different areas of my business AND my client relationships. Its allowing me to let go of the “sales” and focus on connection.  Plus I can translate the things I do to future sales and see how my pipeline is growing even though I’m not explicitly selling. I recognize that I just said that I have a pipeline and that I’m not selling in the same sentence.

Every interaction has value – I’ve said this for year in corporate sales. Every single touch has value. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that it’s okay to be human first and foremost because our humanity is what sells.

You have to find the systems that work for you.

Listen, I’m not here to judge. If you’re confident with what you’re doing and it’s working, I won’t ask you to stop.  If you don’t have the bandwidth to connect to people on that deep of a level – I get it. In my experience, though, I feel like people have this idea of how to make social media and “funnels” work, but become defeated because it wasn’t what they were told it would be.  It’s partially why I created the Rebel Dream Lab. Our community members are tired of doing it the way that they were told. They want to lean into their intuition and what they know is correct for them with some space to bounce ideas around.

If that speaks to you, then let’s chat. Not because I want to sell you anything but because I know what it’s like to feel defeated and alone. I know that just having someone to talk to can help sometimes.  https://tidycal.com/anotherperspective/connection-call